I had one of those days when you look in the mirror and in one day you have gained 2 stone. No exaggeration, on your thighs, your stomach, your face, sometimes even my elbows feel fat.
So with a holiday to Spain looming I decided we needed to start eating cleaner. No more eating out 4 times in one week and instead green smoothies, salads and nuts would rock my world.
The doctor told me that my anxiety will be made worse by caffeine, alcohol and smoking.. so I try to have decaf as much as possible and probably still drink and occasionally smoke as much as I usually did- but I’m only human and I friggin love mojitos.
So day 6 and apart from 3 meals out, a chocolate fondue, a few Easter eggs, we are green eating machines. Do I feel better? Yes actually I do. Is it in my head? Yeh probably. But at least my elbows feel slimmer.
I have tried Slimming World so many times I could use the revolving door as body magic- (little slimming world humour for any members out there) but I can’t stick to it. James eats around 3000 calories a day and continues to stay so tiny and we live for 2 for 1 cocktails and groupon deals.
But more importantly on some days I don’t even want to cook. My brain will be so fried or I am so scared about getting up that thinking about cutting the fat off bacon or cooking some tomato pasta will result in such a horrific panic attack and with so many knives in the kitchen- it just isn’t worth it.
So on days that my elbows have rolls I need to remind myself, I lost my Mum, I have an mental illness and I am doing okay. My body is proof that I went through the worst time in my life and came out the other side. My chunky thighs kept me standing when all I wanted to do was fall. My lack of cheek bones and occasional chins supported me as I plastered on that fake smile that got me through the day. My soft and squishy body held my brother and sister safely and tightly in my bingo winged arms as we got through it together.
I’ve been through hell and back so it seems a little ridiculous to be worrying about losing weight. On that note I’m off to get a mojito- at least the mint and lime is green….